emmy

北京最流行的笑話
上班剛一周，剛穿上警服的小五決定犒勞自己，到劇院看電影。                                                                                                                                                               買票的隊伍排得長長的，小五舒口氣，排到最後。                                                                                                                                                                           「新警察吧？」旁邊一個人問。                                                                                                                                                                                           小五納悶︰「你咋知道？」                                                                                                                                                                                                「咳，老警察哪有排隊買票的。」                                                                                                                                                                                         「哦。」小五明白了，直接走到售票口前，遞上錢說︰「我買一張票。」                                                                                                                                                        「新警察吧？」窗口裡的人笑了。                                                                                                                                                                                         「你咋知道？」                                                                                                                                                                                                         「老警察哪有掏錢買票的，你直接進吧，沒人敢攔。」                                                                                                                                                                       「哦。」小五又長了見識，一試，果然沒人攔。                                                                                                                                                                             進了劇場，小五到樓下隨便找了個位子坐下。                                                                                                                                                                               屁股還沒坐穩，旁邊就有人問︰「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                                              真是奇了怪了，小五心裡疑惑，嘴上還硬︰「誰說的！」                                                                                                                                                                      「人家老警察都在樓上看電影，樓下的都是你這樣的新警察。」                                                                                                                                                               小五到樓上一看，可不是嗎，這兒有不少警察呢。                                                                                                                                                                           小五挑了個位子坐下，沒多久，電影就開了。                                                                                                                                                                               旁邊的一個警察扭頭看了他一眼，冷冷的說︰「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                                  「你咋能看出我是新警？」                                                                                                                                                                                               「老警察哪有你那樣規規矩矩坐著看電影的，得像我這樣。」                                                                                                                                                                 小五學著老警察，把兩只腳翹起來，架在前排人的脖子上，                                                                                                                                                                   果然舒服了許多，找到些當警察的感覺。                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               電影演了一半，小五有些內急，便往衛生間趕。                                                                                                                                                                             在衛生間門口，被一個工作人員攔住了︰「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                                      小五還是納悶︰「我腦門上又沒寫字，你咋知道？」                                                                                                                                                                          「哪有警察還到這兒，人家都是從樓上往樓下尿，你一看就是新警察。」                                                                                                                                                       小五好慚愧，自己差點給警察丟了人。                                                                                                                                                                                     他站到二樓邊上，朝著樓下滋出一股來…                                                                                                                                                                                    「嗨，樓上尿尿的是新警察吧？」樓下突然有人大聲喊。                                                                                                                                                                     「……」小五探著身子往下看。                                                                                                                                                                                             「看啥看，人家老警察一尿就是一片，哪像你這個新警察，就往我一個人頭上澆！」                                                                                                                                             小五滿臉通紅，他趕緊把拉鏈拉上，轉身隨便坐到一個座位上。                                                                                                                                                               「新來的吧？」旁邊一個哥們說道。                                                                                                                                                                                       「.............. 」                                                                                                                                                                                                    「老警察撒完尿之後哪有趕緊拉拉鏈的，還要把那個傢伙露透透氣，嚇小妞啊。」                                                                                                                                               小五心情鬱悶，在馬路上找了個小姐想溫存一番。                                                                                                                                                                           一番摸索之後，小姐問道︰「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                                                  小五聽的有點頭暈：「怎麼啦？」                                                                                                                                                                                         「老警察哪有這樣有禮貌的，都是霸王硬上弓的。」                                                                                                                                                                         給小姐上完弓之後，小五決定再不給人民警察丟人了，                                                                                                                                                                       小姐費也不付，吧台費也不結，大搖大擺的往出走。                                                                                                                                                                         老板扭頭看了看他說︰「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                                                      小五徹底快崩潰了，掐住老板的脖子問︰「怎麼這樣你都能看出來？」                                                                                                                                                          老板︰「人家老警察不但白玩，走的時候還要收保護費呢！」                                                                                                                                                                  小五心想︰靠！！新警察也是警察呀！於是對著老板說︰「把保護費給我！！！」                                                                                                                                                 老板說︰「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                                                                  小五︰「……？」                                                                                                                                                                                                          老板︰「人家老警察都是叫我們送費上門，哪有親自來收的？」                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            小五受到歌廳老板的羞辱，決定拿出警察的威嚴，給老板一點難堪。                                                                                                                                                            聽著隔壁傳來的淫聲浪語，小五一腳踢開緊閉的門，                                                                                                                                                                         對裡面一對赤身的男女厲聲喝道︰「都別動，我是警察！」                                                                                                                                                                    女的懶洋洋地坐起，摟著那男人斜著眼對小五說︰「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                              男人也說︰「他是新警察。」                                                                                                                                                                                              小五又厲聲問這對狗男女︰「你們怎麼知道我是新警察？」                                                                                                                                                                    女人嘴一撇指著身邊的男人道︰「哪有老警察不認識他們局長的？」                                                                                                                                                            小五一聽是局長扭頭就跑，出門就撞一個人懷裡，                                                                                                                                                                           一看是個衣冠楚楚的先生，連忙道歉。                                                                                                                                                                                     那人一笑：「新警察吧？」                                                                                                                                                                                               小五快炸了：「你也知道？」                                                                                                                                                                                             「我是這裡的經理，警察沒一個不認識我的。」